I shot the serif

A while back, a friend of mine posted this on her timeline.

Serif

To which I responded:

T

I win.

All your girl are belong to us

This was in my spam folder. It gets posted here as is, including dodgy line breaks, because the mangled English is quietly fascinating. It’s almost poetry.
 

“I have achieved a sicilian woman learning erasmus in valencia, spain where i have recently moved.
i am american of northern decent (blond hair, blue eyes).
once we first achieved, she couldn’t even look into my eyes and stuttered when she spoke to me. within months we were chatting at the b…ar and she or he was helping me with my spanish. we would have a little as well a lot to drink and he or she would stare into my eyes and i’d wish
to kiss her, but she would not give me the chance. anytime i touched her, she
shivered. we kissed on the final evening just before i went
home for xmas. she was shy about it and stated how dangerous it had been.
i decided to be a gentleman and keep out until I arrived again from
home. i went home for christmas to get a month where we wrote
each and every other every single working day. when i returned, nevertheless, she was cooler to me.

we still went for the bar, texted, and saw
every other practically each working day. She
nevertheless couldn’t appear me within the eyes. 1 working day she told me she was passionate but had awesome fingers, that she was a “chickens***” in her own words. we went out to perform pool at a bar, i advised her just how much i like her and how i know she is aware of. i questioned her if she felt comfortable with me, she mentioned yes, the very first stranger she has at any time opened as much as. i advised her just how much our friendship means to me (which it genuinely does!) and just how i can’t help but like her more.
in the end on the night she told me she did not want something more from me, not even a cigarette, was just a little unkind about some items and
walked property by itself. i felt negative, somewhat harm, but
woke to seek out an extremely kind concept on my phone.
i kept my length, but she drew me close at every single
dinner, bar, and conversation. i danced along with her last week.
she held my hand on and off all evening. what need to i do with someone that offers me such combined messages and
can not open up verbally to how she feels about
me? Aid! Italian Ladies!”

Spotted in Wilkinson

Fewer. FEWER.

Batteries

Flushed with embarrassment

The afternoon’s thought process, in brief: This is a funny toilet, there are no urinals / Why is there a girl in here? / Shit.

The worst part was this: it was in one of the three buildings we use, and the one I visit least frequently. I would hope that this – and my general sense of agitation -were responsible for the mix-up. But at the time, all I could think of to say was “Oh, sorry. I rarely come in here.”

Sign

Spotted outside Select

Select

Oh dear. They’ve mis-spelled ‘Clarence’.

Eh-oh

And all this time, Emily thought the Fraping was me.

Tinky Winky

The Singing Bush

Well, she was in the news yesterday.

Singing_Bush

Suddenly, Tabitha turned into a cliche

Emily let the cat out of the bag.

IMG_2270 (2)

End of an era

Thatcher

…is all I’ll say on the subject.

No cliche left unmined

As seen on Facebook.

Sparks

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