Ice. Ice. Boobies.

Or even eyes, eyes, boobies.

Ice

Chitty Chitty (Great Big) Bang Bang

It was Peter Bradshaw, in the Guardian, who pointed this out. But anyway.

Chitty-Trans

Stuff I probably should have tweeted, #18

Now that I’ve joined the twenty-first century, I might have to change the name of this segment to “Stuff I probably should have tweeted, and occasionally did”. But why break with tradition?

2nd April – I do not like green XNM.

4th April – It’s hard to tell what’s weirder: Marmite-flavoured peanuts, or the fact that the cat is trying to eat them.

12th April – There is just one moon and one golden sun / And a smile means friendship to everyone / Except to a small Polynesian tribe, who will interpret it as an act of war and probably kill you on the spot.

16th April – Have just driven a medium sized white van to Twyford and back to collect a pile of furniture from Kate. It went fine and I didn’t crash the thing once, but I swear this stuff is easier in Grand Theft Auto.

19th April – Oh give me a home / Where the buffalo roam / And a shovel. And also a Vax machine.

22nd April – I am halfway through Naoki Higashida’s Book Club favourite on autism. It’s called The Reason I Jump. As interesting as his given explanation is, I would have preferred it if the answer had been “Because someone somewhere is pressing X on the Playstation controller”.

2nd May – The Hitch-Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy: 1. Remove wrapper. 2. Eat chocolate.

10th May – That awkward moment when the guy in the Transporter that you deliberately obstructed when he tailgated you and tried to cut you up is not only travelling the same way but is in the car park next to you…

10th May – It really does sound like Conchita’s singing “Rise like a penis”.

28th May – I was ruminating the other night: it can be so upsetting when people you know work so hard to fulfill their dreams, and then have everything snatched away from them, right in front of their eyes. It just seems unfair. Then I remembered that they’d already won six of the prizes hiding behind Bully, and their darts hadn’t been great, so they probably shouldn’t have gambled.

8th June – Finished Dan Brown’s Inferno. Genuinely couldn’t work out whether I was reading a conspiracy thriller or a travel guide.

13th June – Have reached the conclusion that it’s called a DNA test because when the Jeremy Kyle guests are asked the identity of their children’s fathers, the general response is “D’naaaa….”

24th June – The pub along the road from Reading Cemetery used to be a favourite spot for post-funeral gatherings, but these days it’s part of the Sizzling chain. We had thought about heading there today when the service had finished, but decided it might not be the most appropriate venue to visit just after a cremation.

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