Stuff I probably should have tweeted, #17

More random scribblings from the first quarter of 2014…

6th January – My new notebook came pre-installed with Windows 8. In many respects it seems far more instant and user-friendly than Windows 7. I don’t like that.

8th January–  Emily just told me that she heard me swearing at the computer last night, yelling “I HAD BULLET POINTS! WHERE ARE MY BULLET POINTS?!?”. She has now informed me that Microsoft Word is the technological equivalent of Dan Brown. Half the time it thinks it’s being clever, but it isn’t; as such it’s just annoying.

8th January–  Emily and I would like to know whether, in the new version of Thundercats, Lion-o is now called Laminate.

10th January– I mean, I could watch Jeremy Kyle. Or I could go and hang out at the shopping centre. The conversation is essentially the same.

10th January– After Tuesday’s edition of Holby City the BBC flashed up a number you could ring if you were affected by any of the issues covered in this week’s episode. So I called them. I got one of those automated menu things. However, there didn’t seem to be any option for ‘piss poor dialogue’, ‘ludicrous plot development’, ‘staggering medical inaccuracies’ or ‘clear evidence of malpractice’.

14th January– Does anyone else ever get that thing where you’re listening to a song on the radio, and the lyrics are so full of profanity that every other word is bleeped out, and about halfway through the second verse you find yourself thinking “Seriously, what was the point in playing this?”.

28th January– Idea! Someone should produce a montage of shots of St. Paul’s and Tower Bridge and Trafalgar Square, and Buckingham Palace and the Underground and pearly kings and queens. All scored to ‘London Calling’. It’s such an innovative and original concept I can’t believe no one’s done it before now.

29th January– Instigating a half hour exercise plan was a good idea. Doing it wearing skintight leopard print pyjamas in front of a Kinect game that pastes your image on screen so that you can see it? Not so much.

15th February– Sometimes it’s quite fun writing it E.E. Cummings. You know, just to be a bit subversive.

20th February– On the M4, not too far from Slough, there is a motorway sign that reads ‘This sign is not in use’. We decided it was a paradox.

17th March– There is a house in New Orleans / They call the Rising Sun / It does a decent Peking Duck / And set price meal for one.

23rd March– Curious. While looking up German surnames I discovered that ‘Bauer’ means ‘farmer, peasant’. This means that translated to English, ‘Jack Bauer’ would either be ‘Jack Farmer’, which sounds cool, or ‘Jack Peasant’, which really doesn’t.

Sister Sledgehammer

You kind of have to know your Bioshock.


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